Better

My cousin is doing well and should get out of the hospital today.  It was really scary there for a bit but the doctors said they don't think there's any lasting harm.  I'm so relieved.  I feel like I can actually breathe again.

I called in sick today and am currently sitting on my couch in my pajamas, eating a plate of ants on a log (peanut butter on celery topped with raisins) and pink lady apple slices with a light Laughing Cow cheese in the new blue cheese variety.  Yum.  I approve of this meal.  Hopefully, since I picked it!  I'll probably want carbs in a bit but oh well.

Last night I made a delicious variety of fried rice.  I threw in cashews for extra protein in addition to the scrambled egg substitute, red peppers instead of carrots for the boyfriend, and raisins for my sweet-tooth.  I love savory and sweet together.  It was super good.  Too much white pepper though.  I'll fix that next time.

I also had a delicious Italian meal on Saturday night with friends.  If you can't tell I've been enjoying my food!  That's a very good thing.

On Thursday, after I made my last post, I was reminded of why anorexia is so insidious.  I couldn't eat and I felt horrible.  But at some point in the afternoon the fuzzy, floating feeling passed and I felt amazing and full of energy.  There's really nothing like that starvation feeling.  I haven't found anything that even comes close.  Too bad it'll kill me.  I desperately didn't want to eat dinner but I admitted to my boyfriend that I hadn't eaten lunch and he made me a nice caloric dinner of fish sticks and tater tots.  Blech.  The last thing I wanted to do was eat it but I know skipping meals is the first step towards a relapse for me so I did.  And the urge to skip meals and starve myself passed.  It's scary how quickly that happened though.  It makes me wonder if I'm going to always have to worry so much about this.

Anyhow, I'm off to play a video game.  Hope everyone has a nice Monday!