I went to an Italian place with my brother for dinner last night. I ordered fettuccine with pesto and tons of veggies and grilled tofu. It was delicious but huge. I ate about half of it, looked at what was left, and asked myself if I was still hungry. My body said one more bite so I ate that and got the rest to go, totally satisfied. I don't know if I'll ever manage this intuitive eating thing entirely. I just have so much history with binging and starving and I really can't not eat, even if I'm not hungry. But every now and then I manage to actually listen to my body and it feels so good. Now I just have to work on making those moments more frequent.
And as if that wasn't good enough, I was in the lab this morning and my mind was wandering. I realized that that was the same Italian place I went with the boyfriend on our first date, about 3 years ago. That night I ordered a side salad, no dressing. Look how far I've come! I knew I wanted pasta so I didn't even think to look at the salads. I want to tell random people on the street, "I eat food now! And sometimes I don't even feel guilty about it!" I won't because that'd be a little weird but it feels awesome.
At the risk of sounding completely corny, it's moments like this that makes all the shit I've gone through not seem quite so bad.
Now I have a 3 day weekend to look forward to, filled with Passover with my parents, Easter with the boyfriend's family, and Monday to relax. (I figured not having had a day off since January I deserved it, plus I have a moving company coming to give us an estimate. For some strange reason the boyfriend refuses to drive a Uhaul across the country... At least it means I won't be trapped in a car alone with the cats for 5 days.)
Better get back to work now, sorry for the short entry. I want to do a longer one soon about some of the food issues I still struggle with so keep an eye out for that.
