Thursday, March 17, 2011


I apologize for being so slow posting again and responding to comments.  I've been in a bit of a funk this past week.  I've been having stomachaches that only feel better when I eat.  Unsurprisingly, this is a little scary for me.  I haven't worked out since Sunday because of this so I'm feeling fat and gross and lazy.  Plus we're still waiting to hear from 4 more grad schools who are being so slow at sending their acceptances/rejections so I can't even start looking into all that yet.  Stupid holding patterns.

I went to the doctor about my stomach and, as I always do (especially for something digestive system related), I asked if this could be connected to my history of eating disorders.  What I'm really saying is, "Did I do this to myself?"  Because I blame myself for getting this stupid eating disorder and ruining so many things.  I know, you can't give yourself an eating disorder but I knew when I started cutting out meals that I was doing something bad for me, I just didn't care.  And yes, I would also blame myself if I got cancer or something.  I mean, it'd be clear that meant I didn't eat enough antioxidants or something, right?


The doctor said it probably wasn't connected to my history so that's something.  But I just kept thinking, not yet.  I'm still waiting.  Like I deserve to have some sort of horrible lasting health effects for being such an idiot and not feeding myself. 

See?  Funk.

The highlight of my week has been the amazing mangoes we got in our CSA box.  I chopped them up last night into a salad of black beans, corn, red onion, and avocado, dressed with white balsamic vinegar and EVOO.  It's marinating for dinner tonight so maybe, since I don't have to cook, I'll drag our lawn furniture out of the garage and spend some time after work enjoying the sun and the time change on our deck.  That might be just what I need to snap out of this.